Hark2.jpg

Hark's Tough Love

 

HARK'S TOUGH LOVE

An artist's rendering of Rebel Captain Hark Tartigast

In this column, expert rebel advice columnist Captain Hark Tartigast doles out sage advice to would-be rebellion recruits. Click the posts below to read his hard-jawed advice!

Could you use advice from a decorated rebel hero? No question is too weird! (Okay, maybe some are.) Email toughlove@missiontozyxx.space and ask Hark ANYTHING (almost).

And don’t forget that you can help save Hark!

 


Only a Fool

Dear Hark,

The other day I woke up with a painful red spot on my lower eyelid that feels like a bruise more than anything else. It since has swollen quite a bit, and the right side of my face feels a bit...tingly? But in a nice way!

As far as I can remember, I have not had any contact with the Grower Mind in quite a while, though I suppose that doesn't mean much, as they would gladly either erase my memory or lay an egg while I'm asleep. 

Do you think this could be a K'hekk infection, and if so, do you know of any physicians in my area who would take my Federated Alliance standard package insurance? (Also do you have any job openings at Rebellion headquarters? These guys suck almost as much as their dental coverage)

Thanks Hark!

- Probably a Weaver

 

Dear Probably,
 
I know it can be hard to convince yourself to go to the doctor, what with all of their poking and prodding and probing. Heck, I'm as guilty as anyone of not engaging in some preventative care. I let a case of Carmerian hexworms get a lot further along than I should've, and now I've got the synthetic kneecaps to show for it. I urge you to learn from my mistake - casually vaulting over the side of a fighter into the cockpit hasn't been as easy since.
 
So ol' Hark's gonna hit you with some textbook Tough Love: go see a doctor! Only a fool wouldn't make time to see a qualified professional, especially if they'd had contact with an agent of the Grower Mind. I'm not saying this is you, Probably, but can you imagine the dope who actually came into contact with an Auroch or Royal Drone, got a worrisome infection, and then did NOTHING about it?! What a grade-A garfon-brain. I've got no sympathy for them, even when a full-grown K'hekk larvae bursts through their cranium in search of sustenance. 
 
Thankfully, the Rebellion would never employ someone with such foolhardy reluctance to see at least a medidroid, who can screen for the telltale signs of K'hekk infection, among a thousand other common afflictions. If you've had enough over at FA HQ, I welcome you with open arms here at the Rebellion... once you've completed a physician-mandated high-temp K'hekk quarantine session, of course.
 
-Hark Tartigast, signing off!
Seth Lind