Hark's Tough Love



An artist's rendering of Rebel Captain Hark Tartigast

In this column, expert rebel advice columnist Captain Hark Tartigast doles out sage advice to would-be rebellion recruits. Click the posts below to read his hard-jawed advice!

Could you use advice from a decorated rebel hero? No question is too weird! (Okay, maybe some are.) Email toughlove@missiontozyxx.space and ask Hark ANYTHING (almost).

And don’t forget that you can help save Hark!


Hark was not born yesterday

To whom it may concern:

We are currently in the middle of an investigation that involves some individuals that may have come from your universe or a universe like it. They used the word, and mind my language, "JUCK" which led me to believe they entered our universe from yours. If you have heard of the individuals Verdtrus, Chromdraco, or of the Requiem Knights? Let us know if you have anything.

Your Multiversal Neighbor,

Private Wisey P. Stanley of the Cross Planetary Defense Force


Dear “Wisey,”
Nice try. If this message doesn’t have every hallmark of an inter dimensional scam, I don’t know what does. The Cross Planetary Defense Force? The Cross Planetary Defense Fraud, more like! Let me guess: if I respond, all of a sudden I’m on the hook for transporting these fugitives back to my universe at my own expense.
You ran a good game, so-called Private Stanley, but you made one crucial mistake. The names “Verdtrus,” “Chromdraco,” and “the Requiem Knights” are all from the popular holo series, “Verdtrus Chromdraco and the Requiem Knights.” Any resident of the Tremillion sector knows the show, and we’re not likely to fall for any scam using names of our favorite historical drama about the Monarchy’s finest sniper pilot squadron and its courageous leader. Let’s just say young Hark was a fan!
So back to the drawing board, “Wisey,” and this time, use a name that maybe not EVERYONE in the galaxy knows instead - like Commander Rolphus Tiddle! That’s a joke, by the way, in case humor doesn’t exist in your dimension.
- Hark Tartigast, signing off!


Seth Lind